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  • Writer's pictureJordan Abbruzzese

Word By The Wise, For The Wiser (Basically I Wrote Some Proverbs)

You can take the hedgehog out of the girl,

but you can't take the girl out of the hedgehog.

Especially if he is a mutant and hungry.

If you give a mouse a cookie,

and it accidentally bites your finger,

then it now knows the taste of human

flesh--and you should relocate.

Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill,

for some mole worked really hard on that hill

and its feelings will be hurt.

You can lead a hedgehog to water,

but all he will do is swim around in it.

Look left and right before you cross the street.

Or up and down, if you happen to be hovering

horizontally, facing the west.

Don't look a gift hedgehog in the mouth.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks,

because he probably already knows them all.

Dogs are smarter than us, and only grow

more ominous with age.

Don't spoil your dinner with dessert,

because next thing you know, your dinner

will want a later bed time, and more

television privileges.

Reach for the stars,

if you feel like looking like an imbecile,

because the closest star is 93 million miles away

and you are not that tall.

Don't hold your breath,

because if you do for too long,

you will probably pass out.

Always say your p's and q's,

or else you will only recite 24

letters of the alphabet.

The grass is always greener on the other side

if the other side waters it and uses proper fertilizer.

Sometimes less is more,

on opposite day.


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