14 Things You Need To Know About Girls Who Primarily Own Animal Sweaters

June 10, 2015

1. Yes, she mostly owns animal sweaters. Take a look in her closet. You will most likely see a variation of three different types of hedgehog sweaters, a nice blue and black terrier print, and maybe a french bulldog or cute elephant face thrown in the mix. If you want her to dress up, be prepared for the sweaters to be paired with overalls or patterned shorts. It is all that she knows.

 

2. She might have a puppet collection. From marionettes to hand-puppets to finger-puppets, she will have them all. Be prepared to patiently watch as she puts on shows for you, or hold her hand when she cries during Jim Henson's Labyrinth or The Dark Crystal. Humor her by stopping to watch Sesame Street while flipping through channels.

 

3. She will expect you to get all of her sci-fi references. She has more Star Wars novelty items than she knows what to do with, including Mad Lib books and hand sanitizer. She will want you to watch the annual viewing of Firefly's Serenity on the big screen in her hometown, listen to her repeatedly explain how Dollhouse is Joss Whedon's darkest work, and not mind that she likes to sleep with a two and a half foot tall E.T. plush toy and the book "At The Earth's Core" under her pillow.

 

4. She may be gluten intolerant. Don't worry, she isn't pretending. You will eventually defend her to people who question it because they think they are an expert after reading articles on the internet. You have lived it with her, and it isn't pretty.

 

5. She makes up songs for everything. If you put bacon and pickles into your shopping cart, prepare for her to sing about how "the bacon and the pickles are friends".

 

6. Puppy butts make her world-go-round. You might not get it, but she will have her friends to talk about it with. They will whimper in public over how cute little puppy behinds are, especially when they waddle while walking on their tiny paws.

 

7. She could have hoarding tendencies. There might be a box of cool clothes tags in her room that she is convinced that a museum may want one day, or a pile of historical-fiction themed crafts that she got in the mail throughout elementary school. Yes, she still plans on doing all of them.

 

8. Antiques pique her interest. Know that she will take you to countless community garage sales, and that you may have to talk her out of buying 90s work-out tapes or duplicate beanie babies because the wiener dog beanie baby that she already has needs an identical friend. Smile and nod as she purchases old furniture that she will paint and distribute as gifts.

 

9. She could be a book-smeller. One of her favorite smells is old books. As long as she doesn't start eating them, it should be fine.

 

10. She thinks she lives in Animal Crossing. She still plays the original GameCube version, and will sometimes talk about how she wishes she could decorate from Tom Nook's store or how many "bells" a real-life item might be worth. She has friends to converse with, however, that have played on the DS or wii. They will compare similarities and differences, leaving you off the hook for things you might not know. She also most likely still plays neopets and gets emotional over her childhood memories of playing Toon Town.

 

11. She loves cartoons, animated films, and Pixar. If you don't, you are a monster.

 

12. Her favorite hobby is watching poorly made (preferably scary) movies. You will become very familiar with IMDb's lowest rated films.

 

13. She has spooky tendencies. Her idea of a perfect date is going to an old cemetery to do grave rubbings and then looking up creepy urban legends on reddit. She also could end up being irrationally neurotic and has to sleep with a night light or lava lamp at night.

 

14. She almost exclusively drinks Yoohoos. Surprising her isn't hard. All you need is a gas station.

 

Next: 14 Things You Need To Know About Girls Who Write 14 Things You Need To Know Blogs

 

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