• Jordan Abbruzzese

The Plight of Bed-Related Monkey Injuries

Updated: Aug 6, 2020

I was drifting to sleep the other weekend, feeling relaxed and comfortable as I pulled the comforter under my chin. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and allowed my mind to wander (a dangerous activity when one is trying to fall asleep, but I was feeling serene and willing to take the risk).

And in that moment of silent bliss, came these timeless words:





My eyes shot open.

"Tobias?" I whispered, poking him with my foot.

"What?" he asked, already asleep.

"I just randomly thought of that song about the monkeys jumping on the bed and falling off and hurting themselves."

"What?" he said again, clearly done with this conversation.

"You know!" I began to sing, "5 little monkeys jumping on the bed, one fell down and bumped his head - "

"I am going to stop you right there," he turned over. "I have never heard that before. And have no idea what you're talking about. What a weird, terrible song."

It was then that I noted how concerning the childhood tune truly was. Not only are these monkeys continuously falling off the bed (for those who aren't familiar, you count down - so, 4 little monkeys, 3 little monkeys), but they hit their heads hard enough that it warranted a call to a medical professional. And the doctor doesn't seem worried at all, he is like "Ehhh, it's fine. Tell the little monkeys to stop jumping!"

Maybe the monkey mother is just a hypochondriac. Or the doctor is annoyed that she called him five times in one night. But STILL a monkey head injury deserves more attention, right?

As a kid, I had a picture book with this rhyme that went along with a cassette tape. I would read through the lyrics in the book while listening along. The book also included the classic:

There were 10 in the bed and the little one said roll over, roll over. So they all rolled over and one fell out.

Again, WHAT?! These characters were also depicted as monkeys in the book, meaning that they were probably the same monkeys before that were jumping on the bed. Had they learned nothing? This song also counts back, each time with another monkey falling off the bed until only the little one is left. Quite frankly, the little one seems like an asshole.

Before I knew it, it had been half an hour and I was still thinking about these reckless monkeys and all the ways they were falling off their bed (a bed that I may add was clearly too small for 5-10 monkeys) and hurting themselves. Then I couldn't sleep, because that is just really sad.

Well anyway, I am going to wrap this up because Tobias is trying to convince me to get a PS4. I have never owned anything besides a Nintendo game system and he keeps sending me Star Wars Battlefront 2 YouTube videos trying to win me over. Using Star Wars against me is cruel, and unusual - and works 99% of the time.

Lesson from this blog post: Don't share a bed with monkeys or you will injure yourself.

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