Spring Is Coming
Updated: Apr 2, 2020
Lately, my anxiety has been kicking its little hooves again, as I become paralyzed by the long list of goals and things I want to be. Essentially, I have all of these ideas that I think will help me personally grow and become a happier human, but then I feel too exhausted by life-stuff or have anxiety about doing them (and then feel simultaneously anxious about not doing them) so it's a strange cycle that sometimes leaves me sitting on my couch and staring at the wall for 40 minutes before I snap out of it.
So last night, in the throw of one of these episodes, I decided that binging the new Queer Eye on Netflix while eating chocolate and drinking wine was the best way to combat my most current funk. And surprisingly - it did help. I am easily moved by a good quote and amidst my despair, one of the conversations in the fifth episode really spoke to me.
Bobby (cast member) was helping Bobby (the client) put together a garden. They began talking about religion and homophobia, and really opened up to each other about some hard truths and what it means to love unconditionally. During the process, Bobby (cast member) parted some dirt and put a seed in the ground. Then, he shared some wisdom:
"Sometimes, when you're feeling buried, you're actually just planted."
I paused the show. "I love that!" I yelled out loud to a flinching boyfriend.
Bobby's quote perfectly summarized what I had been feeling through these long, winter months: Trapped and unable to climb out of all of the responsibilities and guilt and unfilled promises I had made to myself, with each new thing that I couldn't control pushing me deeper and deeper. But this whole time, every experience was just preparing me for the next step. Nothing is permanent.
When we feel weighed down, know that it gets better. Nurture yourself with water, food, and plenty of sunshine, because when the weather breaks, we will need all the strength we can get. If you have been feeling stuck under mounds of dirt, take comfort in the fact that spring is coming.
Get ready to bloom. We got this.