I Have A Lot Of Questions
Updated: Apr 2, 2020
It has been a couple of weeks since I've last updated! I'm preparing for a busy beginning of summer, complete with a move, a family vacation, and a work conference trip to San Francisco. Needless to say I have numerous to-do lists, most of which are on pink sticky notes someone once gifted to me that read "So many chocolates, so little time." I've been more nervous than usual and getting less sleep, but hey, I must continue on trying to be a normal adult human that does normal adult things - like carefully wrapping up my fragile Sesame Street and Star Wars collectors items to be packed away.
I've been writing a little less the past two weeks and realized that I needed to update my blog, but couldn't think of anything that wasn't like, kind of depressing? It's important for me to be honest about my mental health and imperfect sides of myself with you guys, but sometimes we all need some sunshine. I am usually surrounded by silly circumstances, but have lacked a sense of humor as of late. But then I remembered a poet that I studied in undergrad, Pablo Neruda, and his poetry collection: The Book of Questions.
For any who aren't familiar, here is an example (translated from Spanish to English):
And why is the sun such a bad friend to someone walking in the desert?
And why is the sun so friendly in the hospital garden?
Are these birds or fish here in nets of moonlight?
Was it where they lost me that I was able to find myself?
Tell me, is the rose naked or is that her only dress?
Why do trees conceal the splendor of their roots?
Who hears the regrets of the thieving automobile?
Is there anything in the world sadder than a train standing in the rain?
Well, I'm no Neruda, but I have a few questions of my own, and if he could make a whole book - why can't I have a single blog post?
I'd also like to include that when my good friend Chelsi traveled to South America in college, she got to tour Pablo Neruda's home, where she noticed that he had a giant punch bowl shaped like a cow. I've never forgotten about that.
So here are some of my inquiries:
1. Why do I want a chai tea latte from Starbucks every single day? Is it the small amount of caffeine? The obscene amount of sugar? Is Starbucks secretly dropping in highly-addictive powder to my drinks? I don't even like or drink coffee - but damn, you could replace my blood with chai tea lattes.
2. Why is chai currently underlined in red squigglies? Should it be capitalized? Now spellcheck is picking on "squigglies", so I'm done here.
3. In The Neverending Story, why did Artax just like, give up and sink in the swamp of sadness? Like, I understand that technically the swamp made him upset and he didn't want to try anymore, but he gave like zero effort. It was a traumatizing part of my childhood, and it still pains me now. (I've written about this twice before. Obviously I'm scarred.)
4. How did I go my whole life without ever hearing of the movie Practical Magic with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock? A friend brought it up to me at a party a week ago, like please tell me you've seen this 90s-tastic film about witches, and I looked like a dumb-dumb.
5. Do adults ever really get their shit together? I know the goal is to be old and wise but I'm not sure if I'll ever get there. There are always surprises and small pleasantries popping up, like my car making noises I've never heard before. I'll probably still be Googling (or whatever equivalent we have in the future) everything or asking everyone around me a million questions to get through each day.
6. How did shows like Rocket Power only last for four seasons? As Told By Ginger? Only three. Yet here I am, still wading through Pretty Little Liars trying to find out who their 100th A is, in the second half of season seven.
7. Will the dark ever stop being terrifying? Will I ever be able to sleep with an arm or leg dangling over the side of my bed without worrying about monsters?
9. Why are people still saying adulting? And friendzone?
8. Why do I like Adam Driver so much? The other day, the thought "He is the most beautiful human" entered my mind, and I shuddered.
9. What is it like to just, not care about something? To have it roll off your back, or not be completely and totally affected to the point where you feel like you're going to collapse in on yourself?
10. Actually, how does it feel to casually like something? To not be obsessed completely? I don't think I'm familiar.
10. How do I afford a temperature controlled box to preserve my 20th Anniversary Edition Buffy the Vampire Slayer Entertainment Weekly issue?
11. Will Toontown Online ever come back?
Anything else you all are wondering?
If a hedgehog falls in the forest...
and no one is around...
how will it safely get up again...